I'm always so perplexed when I remember there's mundane stuff happing at all times. Like someone found out they were pregnant today and it's the happiest day of their life. Someone died on a hospital bed all alone. Someone is reading a book. Like that's just baffling to me. Sometimes I want to be omniscient just because of this. I want to see the mundane.
she knew what she was doing when she made this
my uni notes that i will never look back on not being in chronological order: this bothers me i'll fix it
my apartment covered in clothes that i could very easily put back in the closet: this does not bother me
I will resurrect Lagrange and kill him again.
I wish websites were like books. Forever. And you would have to print out another edition to make changes. But the previous one would still exist. Idk why but that's just a cool concept in my head
Going over my class notes trying to summarize them and corroborating with the book and I'm amazed at the power of synthesis I had those mornings where I could barely stay awake
Got decaf for the first time ever. I don't hate it. What I'm not gonna hate is the lack of cortisol in my system from drinking caffeine.
My keyboard sounds so loud when I don't have my headphones on like it drowns out any other sound around me. wtf
Took a very long hot shower, now LDR is playing softly on the speakers and the birds are chirping outside. Life is good sometimes.
Came back home after being gone for a lil and I always come back inspired, but this time it's different, I left inspired, and came back assured of my goals, and with a bit more of a foundation to what I want, and where I want to be.
Guessing that the hard part will be figuring out how to get there, and reminding myself that paths are not necessarily linear, and sometimes hard to navigate. But that's fine. I trust myself to be able to sort through.
I have some ideas of what I want to achieve in the short-term (~6 months), which I believe will get me closer to my med-term goals. Some of those ideas include:
decorating my bedroom (which I rarely set foot in, other than for sleeping)
regularise my attention / cut down on "dopamine" drains
start some form of media/content creation, whichever it may be, either to publish or keep private
work on some tech projects even if I don't finish them
read 2 books that aren't for uni
find a perfume to make part of my personality
I want to make a game. I actually want to tell a story, and make pretty artwork for it. But I also want to interact with my story. So I guess I want to make a game.
I have so many tabs open I no longer know if what I'm looking for is even there
Been working on a silly remake of my website but it feels like my brain just dries up as soon as I open VSCode.
Why do I feel bad about not doing anything all day when I'm on HOLIDAY and supposed to do nothing all day.
Yassifying my laptop by making everything pink so the other STEM students fear me.
Lots of sirens going off and I got my window open to get the smell of burnt onions out of my apartment and they're SO loud it's making me nervous
We should bring back visualizers to music players. Incorporate them into physical ones as well. Add a projector and party lights to vinyl players. I don't care.
I love how every couple of days or weeks I remember this exists and just post the most insane shit ever and then disappear for another days or weeks.
I like minimalism not for it's lack of, but because it's easily done by people with no sense of what looks good. Some still manage to butcher the job. But it's still better on the eyes than a brutalist design that feels worse than getting stabbed with needles in your eyes. Not that I know what that feels like.
I also find designs that try to imitate something it clearly isn't, hideous. Unless it's a poster or some sort of graphic, then I guess it's okay. But books that try to look medieval with a print on a glossy piece of paper are horrible. Yeah.
Father listens to Lana del Rey and my uncle listens to Miley Cyrus and Lady Gaga (only the more rock-y songs). I'm being gentrified by my own family. Literally told my uncle Miley used to do Hannah Montana and he was shocked. Bring back manly men!
I'm so understimulated I need to be SHOT.
Was wondering why my coffee tasted like warm water instead of coffee. It's because I forgot to add the coffee.
Sometimes i have to take a deep breath and remind myself to not kill people (with words)
Waiting for a call. Phone in hand. I feel a vibration in my pocket. I reach for my phone. Wasn't there. Start looking for my phone. Phone still in hand. I'm looking it at it. Watching an insta story. I'm still wondering where my phone is. I think I'm going insane.
We should bring back book covers with no drawings or photos on them. Or at least let them not cover the entire cover. Let the picture or artwork be as if it were framed on a wall.
I know I've already said this here but Lana del Rey is such a great artist
Haven't said anything in here for a while. Kinda forgot to have thoughts.
salt smells really nice
forever shocked by the fact people can study with lo-fi / chill music. wdym you don't need fast loud noises to focus?
If you don't like Lana del Rey's music you're the problem.
Don't really feel like going to class right now. But I will. Just to talk to my professor for 20 minutes during the coffee break.
driving through the fields seeing, road under construction, wind farms on the sides, favourite thing ever
my one fear is forever relating to 'this is me trying' by dr swift
Lana del Rey might just be the realest artist ever
Sometimes I wish I could have conscious/lucid dreams as I did a few years back, I certainly miss the ultimate VR experience. I certainly don't miss the conscious nightmares that came with them, knowing it wasn't real but not being able to control any of the horrible things happening. Especially since I had to try really hard to wake up
Like I obviously have a voice inside my head as if I were speaking but inside my head. What I mean is that behind that voice (literally behind, top and back of the ears, I feel the voice from my nose to my forehead, but it can be moved around) is the Cloud. Between them are the "secondary voices" I can use to talk at the same time. Most times they're just playing random music, or random tiktok sounds. I cannot control that mostly. The Cloud does not necessarily communicate in words or pictures, but in a mesh of concepts. Concepts as in when someone asks you what a word means and you know what it means, you just cannot describe it, because it lives as a concept in your brain. I don't know or care if this makes any sense. If a psychiatrist or neurosurgeon would like to perform a biopsy of my brain I'll let you. In exchange for a lobotomy. Requirement can be waived depending on if the law allows for it to be performed.
Sometimes I feel like I could write 57 pages about something. Until I actually go do it. And I can't even write 6 words. Why must I think in clouds and not in just a stream of words like normal people.
Love playing dress-up. Look good for no good reason. Serotonin boost.
Professor told me I always have pretty nails and that I inspired her to go get hers done. She's giving me academic validation by passing me on my exams but she's also giving me validation by an academic. I like it.
Sometimes i think.
"they say she was seen on occasion pacing the rocks staring out at the midnight sea" is so me. I'm her. She's me. We are the same person.
love coming back to my hometown. it's so quiet. my mum just complained because the neighbours are talking too loud and it's past midnight. apart from that, only phones, nature and the occasional car in the distance.
This Love (Taylor's Version) song of a lifetime
me when the learning environment is optimal for my brain: woah i'm learning
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